Oscar's fantastic Journal.

Latest reports from my amazing life.

(the spaceship will take you back to the frontpage)

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14.11.2017.

I'm going to be absent for a month or so. There's a thing that needs to be done. Don't worry, nothing bad is on my mind. It's going to be my personal Odyssey, sort of. Can't say much more now. Wish me luck one more time.

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13.11.2017.

That producer guy used me and then disappeared without saying a thing (sort of like that woman). I guess I'll have to find a real job and wait until the spring, I was promised a place on a filming site but nobody can introduce me to anyone who's going to film anything this winter, so I wait until spring. They're going to make a history movie in Dagestan and my relatives kinda know these people. But as of now, should I go to McD, a construction site, or work as a courier? Hard to choose from the world of possibilities. I wish I was special. If I were special, I'd find a way to make money without having to work for anyone except for myself. I also should stop sniffing tobacco all the time but it's the only thing that makes me smile these days. Additional information: the prostitute I gave up my virginity to said that she has children. The girl I suffered over also told me her mom was a prostitute at some point. Vicious circle. REALLY MAKES YOU THINK, huh.

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07.11.2017.

woah i really had no idea how extremely overrated sex is

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06.11.2017.

I'm 19 now. Time to live life. This year is going to be different, I swear to God! Maybe it's going to be the "lucky" year I was waiting for my whole life. Maybe not. Maybe I already had my lucky year. Who knows? Doesn't matter. Life goes on.

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31.10.2017.

Woah, now THAT was a shitty month! October 2017, begone and never return.

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30.10.2017.

The dose was very strong and today is the first day I truly feel sober. I had a good sleep but riding trams aimlessly in cold day in order to get the hallucinations worn off was a pretty depressing thing to do. I felt like Max Payne on those maze levels, if you get the reference. So I think imma stay away from drugs and alcohol in future. It's time to live life and stop ruining myself. I gotta return to my pull up routine and stop crying over that bitch Victoria, I guess I just wasn't her type. Gotta learn to meditate too, yeah.

For everyone wondering how shitty I look these days:

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28.10.2017.

I ate a bunch of tranquilizers and slept for two days, now I'm feeling hungover. Everyone in the family knows. They must be thinking I'm a narco. I don't care. It's not that I can be more of a disappointment to them.

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25.10.2017.

My mother yells at me all the time and probably thinks I'm legit retarded. She yells at me for wearing a wife beater, she yells at me for buying eggs from the wrong store, and my dad calls me "bastard" and "scum" all the time. The worst thing is that the producer guy probably won't need my assistance this entire week and I just keep rotting without friends to see or things to do. I know and accept the fact that all my problems are my fault, and I'm not trying to blame anyone in particular or the entire world in general. There is no way to fix the past. It's hard to believe how much happier I was just a couple of months ago. I've been writing a lot though. The worst times are the times of creativeness, so even the bad times are somewhat good, I suppose.

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24.10.2017.

I got drunk on some very cheap and toxic wine and dragged my friend to accompany me, then I forced him to go to the city center with me, where I misbehaved and bothered people. Soon enough he left me alone in the middle of the city and hopped onto the subway. He told me to fuck off and never appear in his life ever again. Another friend lost but at least I... I don't know, nothng is right about my life. Let me whine some more.

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17.10.2017.

Lookin' bad feelin' even worse B^)

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08.10.2017.

Tried to kiss a girl and she declined how pathetic I feel fuuuuuuuug

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03.10.2017.

I got a job as a producer's assistant!!! :^DDD

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22.09.2017.

today was the second time i went to the forest to masturbate which makes me worry about my sanity am i actually going insane from solitude and sloth i dont know but i need to find somebody who will love me

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16.09.2017.

My rabbit died today. She lived with us for almost 8 years. I grew up with her.

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03.09.2017.

Bought myself a Canon 600d. I had to sell tech, work at a construction site and write fake prostitute reviews in order to buy it but I hope it was all worth it.

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31.08.2017.

Got drunk over some bitch I barely knew and almost had a fight with my friend. The worst thing is that I was drinking that cardboard wine, the cheapest shit. Call me a pussy all you want but a liter of this crap was enough for me.

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30.08.2017.

Summer's gone and here I am, a 18 year old man without higher education and job. Time to live life.

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17.08.2017.

Still alive. How about you?

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23.07.2017.

I failed. I'm not getting into the film school. They said I am too young and lack any experience. This means I have a whole year ahead to earn it, and I'm going to earn it the hard way because that's how great people are made. Wish me luck.

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04.07.2017.

Big day today. I was recommended for interview in film school. Yeah, the day of actual interview is going to be even bigger.

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24.06.2017.

Had my prom party. Was pretty good. Some people got shitfaced but I was just dancing without rest the whole time.

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16.06.2017.

For your information, I am alive.

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08.06.2017.

Finally stole something cooler than a t-shirt. It's a pair of Polo RL khakis.

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01.06.2017.

I hate summer.

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26.05.2017.

Highschool = finished. Yay!

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06.05.2017.

Oscar upleveled today. It's the first time I shoplifted a piece of clothing! This is cooler than just taking alcohol and candy. It's a Puma t-shirt. From a thrift store though. But it's like new, really!

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05.05.2017.

I have an actual stalker. Can't even call it a "cyberstalker" since she gave me a phonecall once. And she lives in other city. I met her on Russian omegle-esque site, we talked for some months, then I kinda got bored of it all, so I decided to just stop talking to her... some months passed, and then she called me. Apparently she found my phone number somewhere online. My phone number, dude! She also creeps on our class' group in VK (Russian FB). I'm telling this right now because I recived another creepy ass message from her. She promised to "meet me in real life me whether I like it or not". How do I just get rid of this nonsense? Any advice, anyone? "Going for it" is not an option, I just don't like her as a female. She isn't fat and someone might even like her, but she's not in my taste.

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01.05.2017.

Was on Slava's birthday yesterday. We played some paintball and then had a picnic in the forest. Roman got too drunk again, had to deliver him to home. :(

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26.04.2017.

Chernobyl was today, but a gazillion years ago.

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20.04.2017.

Happy birthday, beautiful friend. Happy birthday.

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19.04.2017.

Me and my friends footballed with an empty plastic beer barrel from a bar nearby and it exploded right in front of my friends, breaking nails of one and leaving a huge hematoma on the leg of another. So much fun! Additional information: you don't have to give up instant noodles once you become vegetarian, just don't add the native condiments since they might contain beef stock powder. Instead, add some soy sauce and hot souce, it's 100x better.

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17.04.2017.

Got busted shoplifting today! Of course I didn't get caught and managed to escape, but this means that I'll have to find another place for "fishing".

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09.04.2017.

Just discovered KMD. It's fantastic. I cannot believe it was recorded in 1993. The sound is so far ahead of its time. -> https://youtu.be/eaxe1cJh0h8

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01.04.2017.

Me and my friend walked about 15 kilometers (I sure love walking) to a movie theater only to find out that we don't have enough money for tickets. We were hungry and far from home so we had to shoplift some vacuum-packed boiled cobs of corn. It tasted weird, although the package claimed that they're 100% natural. Besides, they were imported from India. I wonder if they were boiled in Russia after coming from India OR were both raised and boiled there and then transported. By the way, today was a good day.

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31.03.2017.

Aaaand the journal is back. What's been happening to me these two months? Ton of stuff! Am I going to tell? Probably not. Too much to tell, really. The brightest moments were going to two political rallies, met some really cool people there (confused south African students, criminals from the 90's and such). Life's been pretty fun these days.

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05.02.2017.

Cold wind was blowing in my face today to remind me that I'm still alive.

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28.01.2017.

Today I've stumbled upon a girl I went out with recently on the street. She saw me and speeded up without saying hello. Am I that ugly?

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25.01.2017.

I will play videogames on friday !!! B)

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21.01.2017.

If you feel like you're about to message some dumb whore who gives 0 shits about you, just listen to "creep" before you actually do anything pathetic.

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16.01.2017.

I miss Deus Ex. Life had some sort of meaning until I finished it.

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07.01.2017.

On this day, I finished playing Deus Ex. I'm probably not going to touch any mods yet because the gameplay was rather repetitive at the late stages of the game, but it was one of the best gaming experiences in my life nevertheless. Out of all endings, I picked Tong's final solution. This is what I would do if I was there. I killed the network, and then it was over.

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06.01.2017.

There's an abandonned pillbox from the wartime in a forest next to my block. I think of turning it into a Mithraeum. Too bad there might be bums and junkees to deal with, but if I manage to get some friends to help me and work at dayime it might work. That way, the junkees and homeless retards who sleep in that pillbox would be automatically considered mithraists, so I won't be the only one no more.

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03.01.2017.

2017 is going to be a very happy year for me, the signs were everywhere, especially in the dreams I've been seeing these days. Yesterday it was a huge ass twerking right in front of my face. Can only be a sign of good luck to come.

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23.12.2016.

Let's hope that this is not going to be the last new year of our lives!

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20.12.2016.

I've been drinking every goddamn day this week. Now I finished. Not gonna touch it again. I'll try to.

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15.12.2016.

Had an extremely interesting dream this night. I was going to a beach. With really good people. I didn't even see them in my dream, but I knew that I am with somebody trustoworthy. The sand had a bit of red-ish colour to it, almost like walls of Grand Canyon - very pleasant. I was searching for something on that shore. Some rock surrounded with beautiful tropical plants caught my attention, there was some movement. As I approached it, I saw three or four giant slugs, but they were not ugly, they looked like candies, in beautiful strong colours such as red, blue, green, pink and glowing with light. They were just slugging around the stone. Then I woke up.

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12.12.2016.

My brain is damaged by anime. It's over. Akira was great.

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5.12.2016.

I got into anime to be honest. It started with Ghost in the Shell, because it had everything I love and animation was great. Then I moved on to other classics, like Akira, and it went on and on. Well, I still regret nothing. It's from the 80's and 90's, right? Therefore it's blessed by God.

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08.11.2016.

A day to stay marked in history. We did it. We. Did. It.

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05.11.2016.

I have too many ideas for one head. I wish I had another. Under my arm or somewhere so it won't look ugly. But damn, will it be weird once he starts talking in public.

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16.10.2016.

On this day, I have finished playing Another World. This game has about 20 minutes of gameplay, but it took me three days to beat it. Was the ending worth it? It was all sorts of "worth it" indeed.

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6.10.2016.

People would value this website if only I was a mass-murderer or something, or at least I was a suicider. Suicide dude. Self-killer. Is there a word in English? I don't know. Too bad I'm only a normal person, and the obscurity of this website will always stay artificial.

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20.09.2016.

I'm back from Germany!

Wasn't as much of a jaw-dropping experience, to be honest. Too much muddy element and German women turned out to be 100% trash, but hey, the things I was going for were architecture and nature - and I got a plenty of both!

The actual jaw-dropping experience was Switzerland. I was in Zurich and nearby small towns and it's just as much of another world as I'd expect Japan to be, it's just too good.

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28.08.2016.

Summer well wasted! My abs: gone. My energy: gone. My desire to live: gone. Whatever was attractive about me: gone. But you know what? I regret nothing. I've been playing videogames like there's no tomorrow and I know that there won't be a summer like this ever again in my life since life will only make me more and more busy. I'm happy that I was gifted 3 months to be a useless degenerate, I am. That's true.

Imagine how sad this blog is going to look like after I die. I'm not saying that it's going to happen soon, I love life. But the internet will probably hold stuff as old as a hundred years. Imagine people watching cetury-old videos on youtube. Funny, isn't it? I hope a huge collapse destroys it all and personal computers will turn into a luxury again, I really do.

I was also extremely disappointed in Trump, he got weaker and weaker and cannot sound appealing to far-right thinkers like me.

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12.08.2016.

I remember my friend's drivel about becoming a metahuman. A goldfish. Something beyond the desires and ambitions of a man. Back then I supposed that his solitude was driving him into such thoughts, but as soon as I found myself in a similar situation, everything he's been saying started making sense. At this point, my only desire is to have a bowl of properly made mashed potatoes and a 36-hour long day to spend playing Oblivion. What would I ask for if I was granted a final wish by some cruel killers? Probably a few hours spent playing Oblivion.

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4.08.2016.

Everything gets better daily. I'm a driver, I'm a winner. Things are gonna change, I can feel it. Additional information: There is something I call "the Hitler rush". It hits me sometimes. I start thinking about Fuhrer, listening to his speeches like it's music and imagining myself saluting in an infinite crowd.

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24.07.2016.

My obsession with past is painful. The more I read about societies like ancient Etruscans, Romans, or late Medieval Italian city-states, the more I want to be there. Oh, if only I could live in Pompeii for just one day.

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16.07.2016.

I had a weird dream again. I'm seeing more and more dreams those days, isn't it great? Probably because I have a lot of time to look inside of myself now. So in this dream I was playing around with my rabbit, but at some point I just accidentally torn her leg off. Almost as if it was a clean cut. Then she just returned to her cage, missing one leg but still feeling fine from the looks of her. I can only remember her eyes turning red, otherwise she made no signs of something being wrong.

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14.07.2016.

Quote of the day: creativity brings your closer to the Creator.
I love food but I also care about my physical shape, so I have to suffer almost like a girl.
I wish I could make a little hole in my stomach that would just let the food out without digesting it. Would be pretty rad.
I think I need to buy a bicycle, but my appartament is tiny so where the hell am I supposed to keep it? Nah, I'll just stick to running.
I had a huge crush on Britney Spears when I was a child. Now I'm kinda ashamed of that. What I'm never going to regret though are my crushes on Jackie's little niece from that Jackie Chan cartoon and Xena the Warrior Princess. Additional information: I see lots of men with moustaches in my dreams. I need a moustache.

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12.07.2016.

My life isn't really going anywhere right now, that's a one hell of a boring summer. All my friends have left the city so I'm stuck alone. Usually I just take relaxing walks in the forest nearby, that's how I entertain myself nowadays.

This website is a sorta relief though.

If somebody asked who's my role model, I'd say Max Payne.

And remember: cool dudes don't watch anime... B-)

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10.07.2016.

I have three dreams: I want to have a donkey, a house next to a crystal-clean lake, and to live in 80's or an 80's inspired retrofuturistic world. Oh, plus I wanna grow a moustache. I think I'd look like Freddie Mercury if I had one. Not that I share any similarities with him, but with that moustache... maybe. I also wanna meet Arnold. Additional information: I think I should invest in robotics. Aren't robots today something like PCs in the 70s? It's about to go big, gotta invest!

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09.07.2016.

There were some weird little bugs in the bag with seeds. Don't even ask about the seeds. The thing is that I thought that these bugs are ants so I wanted to eat one for some reason. But then I took a closeк look and realised that it's just some lame tiny bug. So I didn't eat it. By the way I recently watched "The Breakfast Club" for the first time in my life. The movie itself is the dumbest thing in history but it's so beautifully 80's that I enjoyed it. I also think I should wash my head since it's all oily and smells like Satan's armpit.

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